What has three legs......

and is now in my house awaiting an amazing transformation? THIS:

We dug out an old storeroom at work and came across two antique survey tripods. One had the old instrument and case and was in working condition but the other one had a bit more wear and was no longer attached to any instrument etc. So I took it (yes, my boss knows). It needs some metal work on the clamps and a lot of love but I am thinking this:

Wheeeeeee another thing to bring home to leave Greg scratching his head :)

My Housebound Holidays

Bonjour my legion of fans....miss me?

Don't answer that.

My Christmas was *good* thanks, in that I did receive an awesome new KitchenAid mixer toy from Greg and I have pretty much made rolls, bread and cake for days on end now. I am positively Martha these days, y'all. Meet my new boyfriend:

Family drama ensued throughout the holidays which was *bad*, but it isn't anything new to me or to you most likely, I'm sure you had some of your own ;) By the way, how was your holiday? Regale me with your own drama. Please. I need to make sure it's not just MY family.

As to my holiday overall, it was my evil plan all along to NOT leave my house for as many days as I had off. I was almost completely successful in this. Other than having to restock the house with food once (believe me bats had to fly out of the pantry first), complete one shopping trip for the boys to spend some Xmas cash (2 hours tops) and provide a birthday party trip to a waterpark for Quinn (I read magazines and sat in a hot tub for 4 hours)....I did not leave my house. I also did not complete one house project. I didn't repaint anything nor did I "shop my house" for any reason. I didn't decorate anything other than a dinner roll. See, the whole point was to take time off. Time off. I read, I watched TV, I played games, I ate (and ate) and enjoyed company and the kids....I took *time off*.

Imagine me fist-pumping into the sky here.

But darlings, there is a piper to pay for being housebound. It's a little thing called your immune system. That's right, I too have joined the ranks of the red-eyed, sore, sniffling, coughing plattoon of the suffering. Just in time to go back to work too. Hooray. Damn hottub, I should know better than to sit in "people soup" for four freakin' hours!!!!

Annnnndddddddd the only reason you have had no idea that I am so terribly ill and horribly whiny (and that you have not sent more chocolate or flowers)???????? My home computer DIED over the holidays. Sorry, it didn't DIE, it was murdered by a horde of downloading fourteen year old spawn of Satan that visit my home from time to time in the guise of my son's friends. So this blog post (lucky and auspicious NUMBER 100) was prepared offsite and loaded here at work on my lunchhour. No big loss, I feel like eating anything today  like I feel like going to the gynecologist....

So, leave me some sympathy here lovelies and tell me your holiday horror stories. I'll be checking in. Never fear, I'll be back and baby, I've got lots to say in 2011!

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

I'm thinking my 99th post is a nice place to finish this 2010 year. I will be coming back in the New Year refreshed and ready to show you more projects and share more laughs.

So, from me to you, Happy Holidays. I hope Santa is good to you (if he visits your house). I hope family is tolerable this season. I hope for a prosperous and healthy 2011 for each and every one of you. Mostly I hope for a quiet week off where nothing gets lit on fire :)

Merry Christmas Darlings.

This post is brought to you by the letter "F"!

For those of you waiting on this:

FUCKIN’ POTATOES

• 1.5 cup (packed) grated extra-sharp cheddar cheese
• 1.5 cup crumbled Danish blue cheese
• 2/3 cup (packed) freshly grated Parmesan

• 8-10 pounds YUKON GOLD potatoes, peeled, cut into 1/4-inch-thick rounds
• 3  teaspoons kosher coarse rock salt
• 1  teaspoon ground black pepper
• ½  cup finely chopped onion
• 6 tablespoons all purpose flour
• 8 tablespoons (1 stick) butter, melted is easier

• 6 cups whole milk

These instructions I give to you, not by telephone or 6 times per day:

Preheat oven to 400°F. Lightly butter the biggest stinking roasting pan you own. Should be big enough to cook a toddler. Mix cheddar cheese, blue cheese and Parmesan in a bowl. If you are listening to Wanda, this must be a glass bowl, chilled in the fridge. Why? Who the hell knows, do as you are told.

Arrange one third of potatoes in pan, overlapping slightly. Slightly, people. Sprinkle with a teaspoon of salt and 1/3 teaspoon of pepper. Sprinkle onion over, then 1/3 of the flour. Dot with 2-3 tablespoons butter. Sprinkle one third of cheese mixture over. Do another layer, second verse same as the first. Quit bitching about your cramped hand from all the peeling. Top with remaining potatoes, remaining salt, pepper and butter. 

Reserve the remaining cheese. RESERVE, damn you!

Bring milk to a simmer in medium saucepan. Pour milk over potatoes (milk will not cover potatoes completely, do NOT panic). Cover baking dish tightly with foil & top. Bake 60-75 minutes. Uncover dish (liquids in dish may look curdled); sprinkle potatoes with reserved cheese mixture. Bake uncovered until potatoes are tender and cheese is deep golden brown. This could take hours, warning! Cook by the 30 minute interval and check often. The “beatch” never did give me time instruction so you’ll have to wing it like I do.

Remove from oven, let stand 15 minutes, wrap in a bath sheet and deliver these to my MIL’s house. I will be forever grateful as this will mean that I don’t have to provide the fuckin’ potatoes this year.

Why I Don't Drink Wine Wednesday #7 - Xmas Edition

When Greg and I moved to Ontario from out west we stayed with his parents for a while…..a long while. Ladies and Gentlemen, hold onto your seats for this little factoid:

I lived with my Mother-in-Law for TWO YEARS!

When we arrived here we had three things. A sixteen month old baby, an SUV we were trying to unload and a mountain of debt. The following is a list of what we did not have:

1)      Jobs

2)      Any semblance of household goods

3)      A Home

4)      Money

5)      Patience

6)      A plan

Someday I will tell you all about driving across the country alone to get here, someday.

Anyhoooooooo…..it is our Christmas tradition to spend Xmas Eve with Greg’s clan. Every year I get my marching orders from my beloved MIL, Wanda. You heard me, her name is Wanda. Wanda is the most giving, caring woman but there is one little thing about Wanda that is accepted by her family and has come to be accepted by us out-laws as well. Wanda is a CONTROL FREAK. Not as in, would like things her way, I mean demands that things are done in her time, on her schedule to her specifications and yes, they will be inspected. God help you if they don’t measure up. She also thinks that every other human being on the planet is completely mentally challenged and needs her help and guidance.

Cue Xmas Eve 2003. Dharma is told to bring scalloped potatoes. Not boxed, homemade. With 3 kinds of melted cheese. At least a large roasting pans worth. Lightly peppered and with coarse salt (not fine). I KID NOT.

She phoned me everyday for at least a week. Reminders of directions, questions on how I was coming along……”Did you buy Yukon Gold potatoes today?” The more she called, the more I seethed. I worked until noon that Xmas Eve and ran home already sweating about getting those potatoes into the oven. I had prepared them the night before layering them to Wanda’s instruction, I peppered lightly, I used the kosher rock salt, I grated 3 kinds of cheese….

As I toiled over them Xmas Eve afternoon and then while I waited for them to cook I started to drink a bottle of wine I had gotten as a gift at work. By 4 pm I had finished off the bottle, bitching about Greg’s mother to Greg the whole time. I was mad. I wrapped up the roaster in a bath towel (as instructed) and we bundled up the boys to go to Gramma’s place.

When we entered, she immediately swooped down upon me like waiting carrion. “So? So? How did they turn out? They’re not burnt are they? Did you set the timer like I told you?”

Seated in the kitchen were the great grandparents, little children spilling out over the kitchen nook and all my inlaws. I looked her dead in the eye (full of grape induced  courage) and said….

“I did exactly as instructed, since I’ve had nothing but INSTRUCTION since last Friday, Wanda. Here’s your FUCKIN’ potatoes”!!!!!!

 To this day, I have to bring the “fuckin’ potatoes every year. They were amazing. God damn it. 

Merry Xmas everyone.

If we're gonna be friends.....

I was trying to think about what you would need to know about me if we were going to be BFF like Little Miss Momma and I ;) (actually I just stalk her, she doesn’t know I exist). I did love her link party idea however and have been merrily stalking others via the links! LOL 

Here is a pic of my BFF for LIFE, my sister Jules and I. Hi Jules!

So if you were to be Dharma’s BFF, you would have to be aware of the following:

I tolerate other people’s children. I am kind but I adore my own and think you should adore your own too.

I cuss. A lot. No really, if you have a problem with foul language when not in the company of smalls, move on.

I am 41 and I skinnydip at every possible opportunity. In our lake is my favourite, after a night out with the girls in the dead of night, giggling like crazies. My husband is used to me coming home smelling like lake water or chlorine. He doesn’t ask.

This whole blogging thing totally intimidates me. I look at other people’s work/ projects and blogs and sometimes it keeps me from posting my weirdo masterpieces.

I am in love with Mick Jagger. You heard me.

I drive. I drive when we go anywhere because my husband drives like Henry Fonda in On Golden Pond. My sister calls me the “Getaway Girl”. I have a molten lead foot.

I have what I call “reverse anorexia”. I have been a size 14-16 forever but when I look in a mirror I see a size 6. I am that damn HAWT!

I collect toys for our annual Toy Drive at work and I’m good at it.

If it is labelled chocolate, I will eat it. I once ate a chocolate covered ant.

I had a breast reduction when I was 16 and it was the best decision I ever made. Thanks Mom for being so cool when I asked for that for my birthday.

I could probably go on and on, and anyone who knows me would say that I can…..but I’ll be going back to LMM’s blog to meet others who are brave enough to share some of their weirdness :)

Ho, Ho, Hold on for a damn minute....

Yes. I did finally put up a Christmas tree. Last night = December 20th. I have to admit though I did it begrudgingly....I am in serious Grinch-mode this year. Maybe its the renovation madness, the horrifying clean up, the insanity that is the season but I could seriously go to bed and wake up on January 9th. I wish there were four more weeks until Christmas so I could get into the spirit but alas.....

However, I have children so this not only forces the whole "Santa is Coming to Town" issue but it also does not allow me to be grinchy in front of the boys....so I'll be a Grinch here. So, you know, you can enjoy it. ;)

REMINDER: