Hot Damn. I'm back in the saddle.

No, not that saddle. Dirty bird.

I am now in receipt of my latest supply of naturopathic supplements which I have been on and experimenting with for the last year. I have been seeing my "mystic Rosemarie" for over 12 months now and I have had varying degrees of success with feeling better, gut health (do. not. ask. ever.), weight control (notice I said control not loss) and the strange assortment of Celtic skin conditions I enjoy which apparently are God's little joke on the Scottish for being such fraking assholes. So, I'm on a new regime to hopefully not develop the worst breath ever smelt by humankind, or having to make 37 daily trips to the bathroom in the first 3 days. Hopefully this will bring me a shining inner peace with an outer shell only able to be looked at through UV sunglasses because I am so damn healthy! Man, I am old.

Help me Lord!

This weekend is going to be a ripper. This morning I felt like I had less of an alarm clock and more of a starter pistol going off in my ear.

Liam's Junior Grad and prom party are tonight, so last night was picking out something he would wear in front of his adoring public and that I could live with in pictures for eternity. He needed a haircut so as not to look like Cousin It in said photos and then he had to attend taekwon-do. The other boy had baseball which was cancelled and a long bike ride/ walk with Dad and Pudge (the dog, not my husband's midsection, well...he does have some but.....nevermind I digress).

Today started with all of us getting ready TOGETHER as my husband is now off for the summer. Bathroom rules will have to be re-established. I hate sharing my sacred space in the a.m. I'm like a jailbird hovering over my lunch plate when it comes to my sink. Of course, Liam having to shave again today so as not to scratch up any girl's face during *3-Minutes in the Closet* threw a monkey wrench into our morning as he hovered over a sink, Dad showing him how to pull the razor and his mother crying gently in the hall...

My father (The Reverend Earl) is arriving at the airport at noon today, the same facking day as Obama  for the G-8 y'all. So apparently Toronto has two reasons to batten down the hatches. I know it is no shock to all my 6 loyal fans out there in cyber-space that I am a wanna-be pastor's daughter but for those of you who don't get the reference, my Dad is not actually a pastor but was and is an extremely devout Pentecostal gentleman. Amazingly he still admits I am his daughter and likes to come for visits. I just smoke and drink around him and moderately tone down the language....cause I'm a lady after all.

Then, freshly done up in my newest pink lipgloss, I go down to the kitchen to start cooking dinner. Did I mention it's only 8:00 a.m.? Two roasting chickens in the countertop oven, mini potatoes ready to steam, sourdough loaves out on the counter and green salad in the fridge.....add to that 2 fabulous Friday lunches made and I finally get to leave the house (oh yeah and I made the beds....I may be a heathen but damn it my bed will be perfect for inspection today). Apparently being a working mother of two and wife, volunteer, step-an-fetch-it girl for various family....is not enough. I so want this picture on my headstone...just for the irony.

So my gorgeous boy....getting ready to go off to highschool. All 6 foot 3, 14 years of him...my baby. I need a mojito.

If the Law of Attraction Fairy is listening....

I want this.

Throwing a brick...

In our local newspaper you can "throw a brick or bouquet" at someone recognizing a good or great deed or a total FAIL...today I am throwing a brick, dammit. What a way to finish my lunch break. My brick was submitted as follows:

To the driver of the white van eastbound on D Road at 1:30 pm on Tuesday, June 22, 2010. When you hit the baby fawn crossing the road, you could have stopped to ensure she wasn't just stunned. You could have rerouted traffic around her, petted her and sat with her until she actually passed like I did. You could have removed her from the middle of the road like the kind driver of a GreenLawn truck who stopped to help out did. You didn't. You were given the opportunity to be decent, you didn't take it.

Karma bitches, karma.

Bitch-Tourettes

Thanks to Pam at be colorful I am outing myself as PERI-MENOPAUSAL. AS she says in comments below...."It blows." In her top 5 things never to be without Pam bravely identifies one product (which I should try but I am afraid it will go on my list of to-be-buried-with) as "Hope in a Jar". 

I am almost sure they spent 10 years coming up with the name of that product with 50 PR geniuses asking themselves "what will make all those beautiful women who are going into their 40s a teeming soup of self-loathing?"

Added to the fact that I have bad skin, I have turned into a hot, sweaty, mostly cranky mess with the sex-drive of a slug on valium. No one takes you aside before you have babies and lays it on the line for you and no one does it when you start to lose all your eggs to the cosmos either. Trust me, I am so going to be that Auntie who tells it like it is. You know, I'll be the one that gets invited to all the showers and weddings etc. but slowly starts getting fewer and fewer invites because I tell the bride/ momma-to-be exactly what IS GOING TO HAPPEN to them, their poor bodies and their minds...

I like to refer to this as "Bitch-Tourettes"....and baby I got a mess of it to share.

Why I hate Don Henley.....

ok, I don't actually *hate* the man, but I do HATE his song "Boys of Summer" and as it is officially the first day of summer, that unfortunately means it is the official day of Don Henley's nauseating song being played over and over on the radio.... that being said I am glad summer is finally here. I get the whole baseball reference in the unholiest-of-songs and I have loved being at the ball diamonds cheering Quinn and his ragtag crew on to victory. Although I am constantly being reminded by the Momzis that we DO NOT keep score madam in Rookie Ball. You know I secretly do so anyway.

The sun is shining today, the grass is green and lush and it is hot enough to fry an egg on my deck. My potted plants are gorgeous, my gardens are weed free and there is a general loveliness to the newly fenced backyard these days (if you minus the dog toilet in the far back righthand corner).

This all lead up to my husband having some sort of judgement-stroke which had him dragging me into pool stores on Father’s Day just “to see” how much putting a pool into our newly fenced yard would cost….now I know you don’t know Greg, but suffice to say he is not a “shopper” and actually has a running tally in his head of every dime I have spent since 1994. Seriously. No, we did not buy a pool. Somewhere on the ride between stores and Greg fully having five minutes to absorb the $5,000+ pricetag he was back to his old self talking himself into waiting for a discount if he looked at this again off-season.... I do love this man.

Happy Father's Day darling. I hope you liked your new GPS unit. I hope you were not too disappointed by not getting a pool.... but you do KNOW that any large ticket items brought into our home are bought by me, on the sly, snuck in via the backdoor with no-return policies attached to them. I just deal with the grouching for two days.....kisses!

So, what's new Magoo?

Alright, I know I've been MIA. But truly I have been so busy I feel more popular than a virgin at a prison rodeo these days...

I have finished my term paper and sent that sucka off into the cyber cosmos effective yesterday to be judged and ridiculed by much more learned beings than I. Now I get to anxiously await my grade. I mean by that, chew my nails until September. I loved the course and really felt connected to the subject matter so I'm hoping that passion translated into "knowing what the hell you're talking about" levels of 90% plus.





Boy#1 turned 14 yesterday and all throughout the entire day I could only think about how fast the last decade has gone. Some days my life felt like my boys would be small forever and now Liam is towering over me, shaving and saying things like ".....when I'm driving....".

The summer schedule is filling up fast and my life seems to be going faster and faster along with my schedule. I'm now just waiting for a vacation in August. 14 days of just the 4 of us, travelling the highways of the good ole USA, Florida bound to sun soak and sightsee. We've never been away all together and I'm seeing that we best start to do the "we'll do that one day" list now or I'll turn around and one of two things will be happening....1) both boys will be too big to give a hoot whether or not they go anywhere with us and 2) Liam will be asking to drive on a major highway in Kentucky...both of which make me wanna ball up and cry in my closet.

...and now for something completely different...

University is a strange deal. For a place that is primarily very smart or at least getting smart people darting around campus (class to class to ever-lovin' class), looking very dishevelled and determined to be serious....somewhere in that mix you get this....which is absolutely hilarious.

Even through the hated "summer-semester" (insert those present as either professionals like me trying to get a quickie education and/or students trying to make up for toga party overload) I have watched young guys skateboarding through the common in pirate costumes and had a run in outside with a very drunk young woman who was trying to make her car key fit into a cardlock on our dorm's back door. If you're reading this Justine....I hope Brent breaks up with her, you werrre shooo right, she duzzzzn't deser (hic) desherve him.

So I am still hanging in there. After hours upon hours of reading and two full days of in-class, I give my seminar to the class tomorrow at 2pm. Wishhhhhh me luck homeeeees.