The meaning of "Santa love"

Every Christmas, on the last day of school, one of my employees (a Crossing Guard) at a public school dresses up like Santa. He's elderly and fills out the suit appropriately He has a sac and pockets full of candy canes...Vic is probably one of my favourite peopleon the planet but this cinches the deal every year.

I always make sure to drive past him on my way to work on this day and honk and wave. This morning was no different, there he was, jolly old St Nick (St. Vic - lol), handing out candy canes and waving at passing cars...The tears came to my eyes after I pulled through the intersection. A little girl, about 6 years old, was running towards the crossing. I have almost never seen a more beautific smile and more shining, excited eyes than on that little girl as she ran towards Santa this morning....smiling, waving, laughing.....and whether you celebrate or not, that is "love".

And it made me teary eyed this morning.

Am I ready to be over it?

So, at my birthday party, my Mom and Dad sat together. This felt like it was happening thru a haze of jello I had to squint through and I had to keep looking at them to make sure I was seeing what I thought I saw. I explained this to Greg last night, in the dark, so he couldn't see me crying.

"It's like having a knife in you, your whole life. You know it's there, it's painful, but it's what you know. Then someone just walks past you nonchalantly and pulls it out, painlessly like it was never there....and you have no idea what to do. It's like what you thought you knew is now over and now you have to move on and you have no idea how."

I am still processing that along with the coffee date at Mom's the following night. My Dad sitting in my Mom's kitchen, laughing, them sharing stories that I don't remember because we were too young to ever remember them happy....

I wonder what was so much more important to them in their anger than giving us this gift 32 years ago....