No, really. Ask anyone that knows me.
That being said, this condition (which is kind of like having your "ladylike filter" removed for all time) has gotten me into a myriad of hot water over the years. Not including the times where I have frustrated bosses/ kids/ husband/ lovers/ family members etc. to the point of stammering and yelling at me, I can say resolutely that I have brought some people to a stalk, silent standstill. This condition is fueled to a degree of nuclear proportions when I drink.
When I drink wine, it can be epic to be in my company. No, really. Ask my sister.
It would stand to reason then, that being my friend or relative would entail keeping an eye on what I am consuming. How much and how quickly. I know, I know, I should be doing that for myself, but hey, I'm a social gal and I talk a lot (insert eyeroll from my BFFs here) and I have had a tendency to lose track in the past. You know, when I was younger. LOL
So, when out with me, when you see me on white wine #5.....this is the SOP (standard operating procedure) that my friends and family have devised.
1) Start the car.
2) Extricate Dharma from the direct vicinity of the person she is speaking to/ at. Like, now.
3) Grab all of Dharma's belongings.
4) Hand off Dharma to (hopefully present) other BFF/Sista and explain that we are at CODE WHITE!
5) Return to person/people spoken to and apologize profusely giving them a fake name for the person they just got away from....
6) Call Greg and explain that we are going out for a late night coffee.
7) Coffee stat.
This procedure has been adhered to with mostly acceptable results. Except when the person who got to be the focus of one of my white wine fumbled-interventions turned out to be a future co-worker who would have recognized me anytime and anywhere. Thankfully she had the ladylike filter and did not bring this up while I waited next to her desk at the interview.
She did however ask me why my resume said Dharma and not Susan ;)
Kudos to my sister for being the most effective wingman in history. Triple kudos to her for keeping me on beer for most of the evenings we have gone out together. You are so wise.
You are the best, babe! Especially at 10:25 a.m. - ummm I have to figure out that damn camera!
Seriously, we must drink together sometime. Supervised.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely. Supervised.
ReplyDeleteI think your twin is in our " book" club. We handle her the same way. Love her but your twin can become a bit maudlin after five or six. :) so we usually call one of her kids and let them know that it's time to come pick up Mom. :)
ReplyDeleteAs for the turquoise and green - well you must know you are my mermaid muse and the source of my colors of the week.
What else do ya got for me? :)
Pam
I like ppl with no filters. It's good to get honest answers instead of fluff. Who wants "fluff" their whole life? sheesh.
ReplyDelete(aka "blowing smoke up your butt")