Here’s the story…..of a girl named Dharma….who found out that she had developed a late allergic reaction to red wine. It was quite a shock, she had been enjoying the red grape for many years prior to this single, defining event in her life….but alas the stars fell out of alignment and the sea rose more than 13 inches thus her relationship with all things Merlot, Shiraz, Pinot Noir etc…. was over.
Oh, and her relationship with Brent and Charlene (the names have been changed to protect the innocent victims) was over.
Flashback with me, if you will, over 4 years ago when I was out with my BFF. Our friends (a man I work with and his wife) had invited us over for a drink after some power shopping. We were out of town and would have to drive home. Immediately upon arrival, being a gracious host, Brent poured me a glass of red wine. Then he poured me another. At this point my BFF knew she was driving and in charge so I accepted the third glass….
Within 5 minutes my whole face felt like I was on fire. Not a good sign.
I crazily left my seat falling onto the floor, staggered upstairs to their washroom, clutching the handrails, weebling like a toddler. I *knew* something was horribly wrong. Actually, everyone knew something was horribly wrong.
Trying to remember the layout of my workmate’s home from previous visits I staggered into the washroom only to let fly with the most horrendous, vomitrocious spew I have ever experienced in my life. It was dark red and coming out of me like I had become a garden sprinkler….. Unfortunately the lights were out and I was sure I had thrown up all over their washroom only intermittently hitting the actual toilet.
Wrong.
I had mistakenly, because this is my luck, walked into their master suite and just spewed red wine all over their new Irish lace duvet set and beige carpet.
My BFF gathered me up, shouting something about having everything cleaned, "Oh my god, I'm so sorry" and sending me the cleaning bill….she put me into her car and took me home. I remember absolutely nothing about the night, the trip, coming home or most of the next morning….
I do however remember that I am now allergic to red wine. I also know that my BFF is my actual BFF
The Miami Four Seasons...a rug in the elevator...nuff said.
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing like a good degrading moment, eh?
That is a crying shame...... no shiraz?! however, with a lesson like that I suppose you'd never be tempted!!!!
ReplyDeletedid the Irish lace survive???
sadly, even my miraculous drycleaner, Pike, could not remove the wine stains from the Irish lace....hence the loss of a standing invitation to Brent & Charlene's :(
ReplyDeletelesson learned (insert eyeroll here)
Dharma, you poor thing! What a horrible way to discover an allergy! I once drank an entire bottle of red wine in like an hour-and-a-half and puked all over my feet and my boyfriend's mother's pink rug. Was not so good. Anyhow, I'm sorry you can't drink red wine. Can you drink white?
ReplyDeleteI can and have had wee bits of white wine....but I think we've established via this Wednesday feature I should have neither :)
ReplyDeleteAt least it was a pink rug...lol
HAHAHA so now I know the whole story. Let me tell you this morning I was thinking of you and how wonderful it would be to be allergic... my head is still pounding. It was so great to meet you - I look forward to our next encounter! :) Lisa/Lizinka
ReplyDeleteOy, did it have to be beige carpet?! A true test of friendship for sure!
ReplyDeletehow horrible!!!!
ReplyDeleteis it possible that it was just a bad bottle? have you tempted the red since?
do like mixed drinks?
i had a gallbladder attack from a night of frozen margaritas made with tequila and mexican food. it wasn't the food because it's something i always eat. that tequila, fuck me! i thought i was dying! prayed to die. horrible shit it is!
i used to be a beer drinker and i love beer but realized the gluten just makes me feel shitty so i limit it to a few sips when i'm offered an ice cold taste of one.
i started drinking red wine which i have NEVER liked at all. totally would make a face if offered it.
husband and i were in rome for a holiday and i asked for a carafe of house red. totally out of the blue. no idea where that shit came from. i swear i must have been temporarily possessed because i couldn't imagine ever saying those words.
my husband nearly fell off his chair.
i loved it.
we proceeded to stay shit ass drunk on red wine for 2 weeks! HA!
red is my brew of choice!